Blurry thoughts
by IwaKitsune
Summary: On their way back to Keron, one of the passengers can't help but let his thoughts wander back to the place he called home, the people he called family and the choices he had done. Shirara centric. Rated T for no reason. One-shot?


There's a worrying lack of Shurara (Corps) fics, and this idea wouldn't leave me.

Notes: Characters don't use the honoraries (_-kun_, _-chan_, _-san_, etc) in this, though I prefer adding them.

Disclaimer: Characters and show belong to respective owners.

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><p><strong>Blurry thoughts<strong>

The lulling hum of the machinery barely registered in his mind as he stared out the ship, eyes fixed on the flickering lights of the stars, seemly so close and so far. Even when his crush sat a few feet away controlling the ship, he couldn't bring himself to stay on the present and start a conversation, his thoughts stuck in the past.

Unconsciously, he started connecting the stars in imaginary shapes: A rabbit, a bird, a five-pointed star, a group of trees, a large house-

He sighed heavily, tearing his mismatched eyes away from the inky blanket of the outside surroundings as they sailed through the galaxy with one place in mind: Keron, their home planet. And yet, switching to stare at the artificial lights inside the ship, the controls, the girl in charge, his mind still wandered back to the planet they left behind not long ago.

Pekopon. How long had he been there? How many weird adventures and accidents had happened? Too many to count, too many to remember. He could recall some with details and others blurred together, sometimes similar enough to think they were the same.

"Are you alright, Shirara?" A voice tore him from his thoughts and he jumped in surprise, snapping his head to look at the nurse.

"Why do you ask, Pururu?"

The female Keronian frowned, looking away from the other and back to the front for a second before setting the machine into auto-pilot; turning back to face him, she stared with obvious worry in her eyes. "You've been really quiet..."

At that Shirara looked away again, eyes drifting to the floor and his tail lowering lightly. "I don't feel like talking right now..." He replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest without raising his eyes.

"You always wanted to talk with me, though." She countered in a beat, reaching to touch his arm. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine." He snapped back, pulling away from her and earning a shocked look from the other. Realizing what he had done he sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that... I'm just thinking."

A few moments of silence fell between the two Keronians before Pururu spoke. "Want to talk about it?" He simply shook his head in response, turning to look back out the window; the fact she wouldn't get answers out of him made itself clear to the nurse and she sighed, switching the auto-pilot off and taking control of the ship.

Once again, the mismatching Keronian stared out into space, allowing his thoughts wander, going back to the past and the memories. 'You think you could have changed that?' A voice echoed in the back of his head, one he had grown used to, the one that was usually in control of everything while he just watched silently. 'What happened was meant to happen but it could have ended differently. If only you acted!' It continued berating him and he buried his face in his hands.

'Please, not now.'

Quickly pulling his hands away from his face as to not attract Pururu's attention, Shirara closed his eyes and silently continuing the conversation inside his head.

'You knew it would act up and turn against us, didn't you? The Keromet...'

'I knew it as much as you did, however if we accepted the possibility at the same time or even considered it- that's another topic.'

'Why do we have to talk about this? It's the past. We can't change it.'

'It's possible to change the past, fool! With the right technology almost everything is possible. But changing the past would cause differences in the future as well, in other words changing what has happened would change what is happening.'

'I don't want to change the past.' Mismatched eyes opened again, unfocused but shining with determination. 'I want to choose my future.' A low chuckle echoed inside his head and his determination faltered.

'You do want to change the past. There're things you regret.'

'Everyone regrets at least one thing but they continue onward...' He replied, not quite sure of himself but still clinging to the last shard of determination. 'I do wish all of us could work together again, though...'

'That, boy, is a possibility.'

Perking up, Shirara's eyes widened and he franticly called to the voice. 'Wait, what do you mean?' No matter how long he waited there was no response; slumping in defeat, he sighed again with a dejected look. All the while the female Keronian studied him from the corner of her eye, trying to guess his thoughts in vain.

She turned her head to look at him when he broke the uncomfortable silence. "Pururu, do you think... they'll forgive me?"

"Of course, you were being controlled! They have no fair reason to hold that against you." She soothed with a light smile, quickly turning into a confused frown as she saw Shirara shaking his head.

"I didn't mean Keroro and his platoon."

Unsure of how to reply, the nurse hummed uneasily, deep in thought. "You mean those guys you worked with to try and get the Keron star, your Corps members?" A nod was his answer and her frown darkened. What could she say? "Did they trust you?"

"Uh huh." He nodded again, staring at his lap. "And I do too."

"'Do'? As in, still trust them?" She gapped at her companion, truly shocked. "But Shirara, they're rogue assassins! Why do you-?"

"I am too, Pururu."He interrupted quickly, looking at her with half-lidded eyes. "I was the leader, the one that got them together."

"But you were control-..." She grew silent when the other shook his head, still looking directly at her.

"You're wrong; I wasn't controlled by anyone but myself." He stopped, considering his next words. "The Keromet only strengthened a side of me... have you heard the story of the two wolves inside everyone?"

Pururu stared at him as if he had grown another head. "Why are you bringing a fairytale into this?"

"It's said that everyone has two wolves that are constantly fighting inside them-" He continued as if she hadn't spoke at all. "One of the wolves is the 'good' one, the one that represents friendship, love, and positive values; the other, the 'bad' one, represents the negative side like jealously, vanity, hatred and such. Both sides have the same strength and will to win, and the side that gets the upper hand is the one you feed. If you concentrate on the negative things and wish bad for others then the bad wolf wins, and vice versa. Do you understand?"

Still staring at the other with frustrated confusion, the nurse shook her head. "I understand the tale; I don't get what that has to do with the topic we were talking about."

Humming, Shirara looked back down at his hands, resting on his lap. "Can't say I didn't expect that. Sorry if it seems I was trying to change the topic, it's just that it's easier to explain things that way." He sighed quietly, flexing his fingers. "Basically, the Keromet fed the bad wolf inside me, one that was usually silent but after that... it's easier to hear him."

"You mean your alias, Shurara, is the bad wolf? But that side should have been silenced when the Keromet was destroyed." She couldn't help but wonder if the ruthless spirit of the former leader of the Zealous Assassins was still inside the body of the shy, awkward boy sitting next to her.

And he himself couldn't help but wonder if she thought he was going crazy. After all, hearing voices inside your head isn't a good sign. He himself wondered if he was going crazy but as the soft click of metal against metal floated inside his mind, he knew it was true. At least to him.

"Don't worry about that, Pururu." His tone was calm even when his mind was in silent panic. "I'm fine, just can't help but worry about what is to come."

"If you say so..."

"Just don't- don't hate me if things don't come out as you expect." He added in a soft whisper, head lowered meekly.

And she had to wonder how that boy could be the head of an evil organization, it just didn't seem right. "I won't, just do what you think is right." She smiled, trying to ease his worries.

Her tries weren't a failure as she first expected, Shirara returned the gesture and nodded even when the flash of insecurity appeared in his eyes. He would follow his instinct, but would that end up alright? She turned her attention back to the controls, it was of no use to try and guess the future since everything could change in less than a heartbeat.

In less than the ringing of metal against metal.


End file.
